True Love. What is it? Everyone seems to be on a relentless chase to find it. Some will even go to extreme measures to obtain it, do everything in the book to trick their minds into believing they have captured it, when in fact, their "true love" or knight in shining armor turns out to be a complete & utter loser dressed tin foil. Oh, for pete's sake. Spare me.
I've been there...kind of. I mean, I've been in relationships where a teeny-tiny part of me had hoped they would lead me to what I was dreaming of...but, nope...they were all dead ends with dark alleys full of people God didn't intend for me & I was okay with that. I moved on and never looked back..because, after all...I never got that feeling that I was dreaming of anyways, the feeling I knew God would bring to me in my dream man. & I knew I wasn't going to settle for less than what I deserved, that's for sure! I was young & care-free & I honestly didn't even worry about what the next day was going to bring, let alone, worry about who my soulmate was going to be.
I knew that eventually, God would lead me to the man of my dreams, I only had to be patient...which by the way, that whole "patience virtue" was something that was not 'instilled' in me. I think God forgot to put a dash of that in my formula when He made me.
Anywhoodles, so there I was - busy living & loving life. I loved my family, friends & everything that came along with it. I was in college & knew I wasn't ready for that 'special' someone anyways. I was having a butt-load of fun & insistent on creating my future. I was almost out of college graduating with my degree in business and communications when I got offered an internship in New York City. With the big dawgs. I was terrified and excited of what my future held. I couldn't wait to get to NYC & make a name for myself in this big ol' world.
But before I tell you about that....
Let me take you back a few years...
In 2009, I was in a relationship with someone. We were rocky & on the verge of ending it, but we were still trying to "work things out". You know how that always goes. FAIL. A complete waste of time & yielding the same results as before. Me & my then bf we're hanging out at the volleyball courts with some friends & then a strikingly handsome guy with an awesome & spunky personality comes up to us & says hi. He was completely opposite of the lame ass I was dating at the time. He knew my ex & introduced himself to me. We locked eyes, gave each other a firm handshake and then he went on his ole jolly way while I was standing there...miserable & stuck in an unhealthy relationship. Ugh, I was pretty much feeling like, FML...yannow? I just wanted to be OUT of it. And asap. But you know when you hold on for too long when you already know they're not meant for you? Pretty much just wasting my precious time on someone who didn't deserve a second of it. My ex was everything I knew I DIDNT want in my soulmate. Thankfully, just a few short weeks later, we officially ended it.
I was happy & keeping myself busy & what do yannow...that little hunk from the volleyball court adds me on Facebook & asks me out on a date. I went, without hesitation the very next day. We laughed the entire night. We just 'clicked'. I felt something like I'd never felt before with anyone else. We saw a movie and spent the entire night just talking in the parking lot...we were there until 5am. Talking about anything & everything. We both didn't want the night to end, but I had work at 7am...so unfortunately, it had to. We didn't kiss - just gave each other a tight hug and we went our separate ways. He was everything I've dreamed of. Could it be...? But before I could think about any of that - I put up my guard and decided - Scratch thatttttttt nonsense! I was so done with "love" & didn't even want to think about it. But Daniel, he was different. However, my heart was still being bandaged up after my previously failed relationship. So, to sum things up...it was the absolute most dreadful & terrible timing you could ever think of.
I was happy & keeping myself busy & what do yannow...that little hunk from the volleyball court adds me on Facebook & asks me out on a date. I went, without hesitation the very next day. We laughed the entire night. We just 'clicked'. I felt something like I'd never felt before with anyone else. We saw a movie and spent the entire night just talking in the parking lot...we were there until 5am. Talking about anything & everything. We both didn't want the night to end, but I had work at 7am...so unfortunately, it had to. We didn't kiss - just gave each other a tight hug and we went our separate ways. He was everything I've dreamed of. Could it be...? But before I could think about any of that - I put up my guard and decided - Scratch thatttttttt nonsense! I was so done with "love" & didn't even want to think about it. But Daniel, he was different. However, my heart was still being bandaged up after my previously failed relationship. So, to sum things up...it was the absolute most dreadful & terrible timing you could ever think of.
Daniel ended up leaving for a trip to South Africa a couple days later and we ended up losing touch for a couple of years. I was busy living my life & so was he. We were both in other relationships & dating other people at different times & it never really lead us to link up. Yet, I would still see him on my Facebook newsfeed & every.single.time, my heart would somewhat sink to the ground.
I knew deep down in my heart & soul, we were meant to be together.. But of course, I would NEVER EVER EVERRRRRR in a million gazillion years ever really admit that to myself or verbally say a darn thing to anyone else under the sun about it. I'm not the clingy type what-so-ever, but yet, feeling so strongly about someone else made me sick to my stomach every time I would see him and know I missed my chance. The train has left the mother-fkng-station. Seriously, someone just punch me. And of course, I knew I couldn't say a word about it to Daniel...I mean, what if he didn't even bat an eyelash at me and deemed me as a crazy-obsessive psycho. Haha The possibility of unrequited love was too scary of a thought. I'd rather just forget about it and move on. Plus, to top it off...he was with someone else at the time. I wasn't trying to step on any toes or be a home-wrecker, either. I can see it now..."this chick comes out of the woodworks professing her feelings to me & we went on one "date"...and it wasn't even technically a date." Yeah...how about NO. I'm not that type of girl and I wasn't about to start then. It was too risky & I sure as hell wasn't going to forego my pride at the time being to tell him how I felt. It was just something I had to let go of...and I did, gracefully. I just un-officially deemed him as the "one who got away" & I knew it was all my fault. I faced the fact that I would just have to swallow that jagged little pill and forget about it & him. Which is exactly what I did...
I knew deep down in my heart & soul, we were meant to be together.. But of course, I would NEVER EVER EVERRRRRR in a million gazillion years ever really admit that to myself or verbally say a darn thing to anyone else under the sun about it. I'm not the clingy type what-so-ever, but yet, feeling so strongly about someone else made me sick to my stomach every time I would see him and know I missed my chance. The train has left the mother-fkng-station. Seriously, someone just punch me. And of course, I knew I couldn't say a word about it to Daniel...I mean, what if he didn't even bat an eyelash at me and deemed me as a crazy-obsessive psycho. Haha The possibility of unrequited love was too scary of a thought. I'd rather just forget about it and move on. Plus, to top it off...he was with someone else at the time. I wasn't trying to step on any toes or be a home-wrecker, either. I can see it now..."this chick comes out of the woodworks professing her feelings to me & we went on one "date"...and it wasn't even technically a date." Yeah...how about NO. I'm not that type of girl and I wasn't about to start then. It was too risky & I sure as hell wasn't going to forego my pride at the time being to tell him how I felt. It was just something I had to let go of...and I did, gracefully. I just un-officially deemed him as the "one who got away" & I knew it was all my fault. I faced the fact that I would just have to swallow that jagged little pill and forget about it & him. Which is exactly what I did...
(to be continued...)
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